Humanly Hate

I'll admit it: I'm stubborn. Too independent. Has to finish what I start. Perfectionist. Put all that together in a typical A personality and let the emotions run wild. So when something irks me, it irks me for a long time.

God tells us not to hate. Love our neighbor. Keep our friends close, and our enemies closer. Blah blah blah. However, when it comes to one person in particular, I will always hatred towards him. I have tried to like him. I've even tried to welcome him into the family in the beginning. I have tried to the 5th degree but it just didn't work. My grandmother's second husband came into our lives like a huge whirlwind and took over our family before we could even introduce ourselves. He was manipulative from the gecko, and didn't stop there with the possessiveness he had for her. For everyone that doesn't know him will never understand how I feel. I'm not the hating type. I dislike people. Everyone does. And when you do, you just try to avoid them. You can't avoid someone when they're married into your family with that I will never call him family.

He controlled her. Spit on us. Manipulated others. Told lies about me and my sister. Talked about how great his first wife was all the time. Shall I go on? He passed away in the summer of 1999 and we sighed with relief that we might be able to put this chapter behind us. Not so fast. His children also hated my grandmother and wanted to make her life a living hell.

Almost ten years after his death, this battle is still going strong. His daughter has deserted an elderly lady of her spendings by not supporting her with the money her father left behind. How cruel, selfish, bitchy, and self centered can one person be? It hurts me to see my grandmother living this way. She tells me not to worry, but I do. "It's called faith, Erin." my she said to me yesterday afternoon. "I've lived 85 years. Through wars, deaths and other unfortunate times, but everything seems to work out in the end." Ok, so tell me: When does it end with him? He passed away a decade ago but his children are still abusing her. When will they go away?

I've tried to ask God to heal my heart about the hate I have for him. I even tried to forgive him. After all, everyone deserves a second chance. I can't. I've come to the conclusion that as long as I am living I will hate him more and more each day. I'm not going to make it my goal, but that is how my feelings for him will grow. For the past 12 years, since I was introduced to him my skin has always crawled with discuss whenever someone has mentioned his name, or worse, when I come across a picture of the two of them. My grandmother will always be right. We all need faith. We all need love. We all need hope. Hope that his children will be punished for their actions.

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away