Small Word, Big Meaning.

Why has been the question I have been habitually asking myself this week. You don't realize how big a three letter word means until something horrible happens. I got a call the other night to find out that one of my dear friends, whose named happens to be Erin as well, has a tumor along her spinal cord that has been growing without her knowledge for the past six months. Why does a 21 year old nursing student deserve this? Why does God put circumstances in our life that our unpleasantly inconvenient for us? Why do we have to have sorrow in our lives? WHY? After aimlessly asking myself these and many more questions over the past 24 hours, I decided to look into it deeper.

On my way home from work this afternoon my Nano was on shuffle mode. Selah started singing There is a Fountain. SIDE NOTE: If you haven't heard Selah, or seen them in concert it is literally a religious experience. At that very moment I finally realized that God's plans are different from our's and he puts things in our lives for our own reality check. Boom. What a miraculous realization. A few tears roiled down my cheek from my selfishness.

The song, as always, brought goosebumps to me. I still remember my grandfather singing it to me when I was younger, however at 4 all you comprehend is that "Jesus Loves the Little Children" and don't understand about a fountain that washes all your sins away.

Erin is constantly in my prayers, which I believe is the strongest medicine possible. We both know that our God is sovereign, and will guide her swiftly through her surgery on September 12th.

There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.
Lose all their guilty stains, lose all their guilty stains;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.
Washed all my sins away, washed all my sins away;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose its power
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.
Be saved, to sin no more, be saved, to sin no more;
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.

E’er since, by faith, I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.
And shall be till I die, and shall be till I die;
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.

Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I’ll sing Thy power to save,
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.
Lies silent in the grave, lies silent in the grave;
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.

Lord, I believe Thou hast prepared, unworthy though I be,
For me a blood bought free reward, a golden harp for me!
’Tis strung and tuned for endless years, and formed by power divine,
To sound in God the Father’s ears no other name but Thine.

Rock Star

I was thinking today...wouldn't it be nice to be a rock star?

I'm through with standin' in line
to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
and I'm never gonna win
this life hasn't turned out
quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
for ten plus me
--(Yea, So what you need)--

I need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
--(Been there done that)--

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars and
Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny as we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
in the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And well...

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
--(I'll have the quesadilla, ha-ha,)--

I'm gonna dress my ass
with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars and
Live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
in the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blonde hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial, well
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills
from a Pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip --sync-- 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

Well we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in Hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
in the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of
today's who's who
They'll get you anything
with that evil smile
Everybody's got a
drug dealer on speed dial,well

Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar ...

Hell, yeah.

A Whirlwind of a Week

Is it Thursday already? Last Thursday I was driving to Braintree hoping to receive the Macy's job there. This Thursday I'm excited to say that I start my new job- at the North Shore mall September 10th.

NO MORE LANE. Even though no day is different in the dining service area, I'm ready to leave already. Don't get me wrong, I love most of the people, and I'll be back to sporadically say hi here and there. But the 5.30am mornings are killing me.

The Macy's job requires me to help brides plan their wedding.
1. Complete the guest list and mail out announcement cards.
2. Make sure the bride has $3,000 worth of stuff on her registry. (Trust, me it's not hard to do).
3. Keep up with the Internet registered brides.
4. Send out promotion cards to post wedding.
5. Keep the bride happy at all times!

It's right up my field and I'm looking forward to it. Plus I get to dress up and look pretty everyday instead of sweating in a grease pit all day.

Oh Beautiful Boston

Every time I drive through Boston, like I did today, I appreciate the city more and more. Even when I am stuck in traffic on the Tobin Bridge, it's still a beautiful scene. The Harbor to my right, and the city to my left. Who can complain about that.

Current Song: Boston by Augustana

In the light of the sun,
Is there anyone?
Oh it has begun.
Oh dear, you look so lost,
eyes are red
and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed.
You said,

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said,
You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah.
yeah.

Essential yet appealed,
Carry all your thoughts
Across an open field,
When flowers gaze at you,
They're not the only ones
Who cry when they see you
You said,

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said,
You don't know me,
And you don't wear my chains, oh yeah.

She said I think I'll go to Boston.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name.
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly 'em out to Spain.
I think I'll go to Boston.
I think that I'm just tired.
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind.
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of Sunset,
I hear it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice, oh yeah.

You don't know me,
And you don't even care, oh yeah,

Boston, where no one knows my name
where no one knows my name
where no one knows my name

Boston, where no one knows my name.

Everyones Working Hard for the Weekend...

...Even though my weekend will only be 1 day. I was told I had to come in on Saturday. Blah. Anyway, it's actually nice to see everyone again even though it's extremely slow since the majority of the people are athletes and orientation staff...

I have another interview this afternoon with another Macy's. Let's see how that goes.

Wedding Bliss

This weekend seemed like a whirlwind, and I wasn't even the one getting married. Maybe because the wedding ceremony for Matt and Heather started at 5.30AM and the bachelorette party did not end until 10pm the night before. They shared their vows along the beach just as the sun was rising. Very romantic, but very tiring as well. The weather was windy, but beautiful skies and warm weather. We all had 5 hours to kill until the reception which started at 11am. I think I personally enjoy the reception part of a couple's wedding more than the ceremony itself. Is that bad? I love dancing, and that's what happens at receptions.

I start work at Gordon on Wednesday. I'm not too excited about it, but I should be more humble and realize that it's an income that Jim and I need. They're even offering me a $2.00 raise to come back and work for them. I hear that's impressive.

So Tropical Storm Erin hit TX last week. I remember the last time my name was used during hurricane season was back in 11th grade. Hurricane days were always fun growing up. Dad would board up the house, and mom would let us make sundae's and have "hurricane parties" since school would be canceled the next day. Oh the good ole' days. But now I'm in the real life. Living in the north, where instead of hurricane days, we get snowed in....for days on in.

It's been a manic Monday. The foreshadowing of a crazy week.

Sleepless in Beverly

I hate not being able to sleep. Here's what I'm thinking about and the agenda I have mentally created for myself:
6.45am: Wake up to meet Alissa to go running.

11.00am: Meeting with Dining Services Managers about my salary and position for this upcoming semester.

Before 4.oopm: Run to Target, get some wine and apple bubble stuff and set up for Heather's bachelorette party.

9.30pm: Be in bed to get up for Heather and Matt's 5.30am wedding ceremony.

It's going to be a busy weekend, folks.

Another Day's Work...

The night started with some innocent fun with friends at Lazer Tag. After the games, the suggestion of going out for ice cream was brought up. If you know me at all, I will never turn down ice cream. That's just the way my mother brought me up. To the four of us going, it all seemed so very harmless.

Sitting on the curb in downtown Danvers, enjoying three other friend's company, and the humid weather, a trio of guys, or punks is what I like to call them walked by us screaming an obscenity to one of my girlfriends. The guys that were with me and my friend were stunned that these punks didn't know how to respect a woman.

A couple of minutes later, or how ever long it took them to circle the block, the trio came up to us again. One of the guys that I was with did a backwards somersault and just stood there, "just to be an ass" he later explains. We find out that these are the type of punks that are a genuine label for angry management classes, and maybe AA too. Without any warning, they start beating up my friend. Aaron was there, saw me shaking, and just hugged my legs together telling me it would be OK. Fortunately, there were a few older men smoking cigars that broke up the brawl.

The trio ran away all along, just walking around the block once more. I have to admit, the guys that I was with were men. They didn't give up their dignity for a bunch of punks that later came and just yelled f- this and f- that to us. The trio wanted the guys I was with to stand up and yell. They wanted an all-out brawl. But to their disappointment, that didn't happen. Aaron and Jason stood their ground, took the upper hand in the situation, and had a more developed vocabulary than the other pair.

These punks reminded me of my ex-boyfriend who used to act like this towards me. Even after years of self defense classes, and a lot of therapy sessions, it still hits home, and unfortunately I'm sure it always will.

On a happier note, Jim and I have been married for 8 months today. He was not able to attend tonight's events due to work...

Baby Shower

On my last day in Florida, I went to one of my girlfriend's, Shara's baby shower. We all had so much fun! Her due date is actually my birthday, so let's see if that actually happens. She's having a little girl, so the colors were pink and brown with polka-dots. "Up until I was 23 weeks I was puking at least 15 times a day," she was telling me as she was opening a bottle of champagne to mix in the glasses with OJ. I'm not looking forward to that. Dressed in Ann Taylor Loft, from head to toe, she was glowing while everyone admired her "baby bump." The food, presents and people were memorable. I know her and Peter will be excellent parents, (and lawyers) to their little girl.

This was actually the day I was supposed to do the 5k with Cathie. Since the temp. was reaching well over 100, both of us thought it wouldn't be safe. We might do one this fall. Who knows.

I'm back in Massachusetts now. I have errands to run, and a bedroom to clean. How fun!

My Top 8 Friends on Myspace

1. Jim
2. Kristen
3. Amber
4. Aaron
5. Patrick
6. Natalie
7. Pam
8. Charlotte

1. Is number 6 your best friend? We're friends. She's really really nice!

2. Are you in love with number 2? I love my sister!

3. Have you ever lied to number 4? No. I can tell him anything.

4. Do you know a secret about number 7? you know, I don't think so

5. Describe the relationship between number 8 and number 5. Two very awesome people that don't know each other whatsoever.

6. What is the best thing about number 3? She's been my good friend for about 18 years.

7. What is the worst thing about number 1? He's not a night person :)

8. When was the last time you saw number 5? At my wedding.

9. Describe the relationship between number 1 and number 4? Roomates

10. Have you ever danced with number 7? No! But we should!

11. How long have you known number 4? About 4 years now.

12. Have number 2 and number 7 ever dated? haha no! But they are friends.

13. Have you ever done drugs with number 5? I haven't done drugs at all.

14. Have you ever been in a fight with number 8? Nope. She was the best roomate ever!

15. Does number 1 have a boyfriend/girlfriend? He's married to me.

16. Have you ever been a co-worker with number 3? Yes! We made good times collecting some extra dough at Old Navy one Christmas season. haha.

17. Have you ever wanted to punch number 2 in the face? No. I love my sister.

18. Has number 4 ever met your mother? Yes. She thinks he's cute. haha

19. How did you meet number 6? Myspace

20. Did you ever accidentally physically hurt number 5? I don't think I could. He's like a foot taller than me.

21. Have any of them ever seen you naked? yes

22.What is the best memory you have with number 1? Repeating our vows to each other at our wedding.

23. What is one of number 4's best qualities? He can always make me laugh, and is a great listener.

24.Do you live close to 7? If you count 10 hours close.

25. What is number 2's favorite food? Anything Rachel Ray cooks.

26. Out of your top 8, which one would you say is the funniest? I hate to be diplomatic, but they all crack me up.

27. Who is the most flirtatious? Charlotte (you go girl!)

28. What do you think of number 3? She's such a great friend.

29. How long have you known number 5 for? About 6 years now. Good times!

30. Which one of your top 8 friends drinks the most or goes out? Oh I would have to say Pam. haha JUST KIDDING. ummm...Charlotte

31. Which one of your top 8 friends is the best dresser? They each have their own style

32. If you could change one thing about number 7, what would it be? I wouldn't change anything about her. She's adorable the way she is.

33. Say something nice about number 1. He loves me...even in the morning.

34. Which one of your top 8 friends lives the farthest away from? Natalie. I think OK is farther than FL right?

35. Which one of your top 8 friends do you hang out with the most? Jim and Aaron since I live with them.

36. Out of your top 8 friends, who is the loudest? Kristen.

37. The quietest? Pam.

38. What is one quality about number 7 that you admire? She has a strong relationship with her brother.

39. What kind of car does number 4 have? Jetta

40. What is your fondest memory of number 8? Probably walking from the parking lot to our apartment on campus after a night out drinking and dancing in Boston. Our feet hurt so much we had to take our shoes off, but we looked like little old ladys walking along the side walk at 3 am. It's one of those you had to be there to see it type memories.

41. Have you traveled anywhere with number 2? We take family vacations together.

42. If you gave number 4 $100 dollars tonight, what would they spend it on? mmm gas, rent, or insurance.

43. What is number 6's best quality? Being a great mom to her kids.

44. Would you kiss number 1? All the time.

45. How did you meet number 7? We haven't met yet! But I'm sure we will since her brother is my roomate.

46. If you had to buy number 5 a gift, what would you choose to give him/her? Probably a gag gift.

47. Does number 2 drink? Nope.

48. Describe number 4 in two words: "g muffin!"

49. Have you ever slept with any of them? Some haha

Needy

I think I need to take the word need out of my vocabulary. Go cold turkey completely. I catch myself saying it all the time about useless things. Just this afternoon I was in Ann Taylor Loft and said, "I need a new black skirt." Then I thought to myself, "Erin, you have five different black skirts!" I also caught myself saying that I needed a pedicure. Maybe I do, but re-wording the phrase to something like, "it would be nice to get a pedicure" would sound more pleasing. (Yes, I did get a pedicure only because my girlfriend is going to nail school and needed guinea pigs. But she did a great job!) The word need is in everyone's vocabulary and we just unconsciously say it when ironically it isn't needed. So that's my goal: re-phrasing my sentences, and trying not to be so needy about simple things. Stuff that I don't need, like another black skirt...even if it was on sale.

Last night the space shuttle took off. It's kind of funny how I have never been to the Cape to see a live lift off, but walk out to the backyard and see it perfectly as it glides through the sky across the lake. It's such a beautiful scene especially during sunset.

My Addiction...

Spencer: "Seattle is the birth place of many new age technology that we use today."

Me: "Like Starbucks!"

I am woman, hear me roar!

Today I was able to spend the day with one of my dear friends, Amber. I truly cherish our friendship because it has lasted 18 years. She was actually a bridesmaid in my wedding. We met the first day of kindergarten and the rest is history. God, has it been that long? We went out to lunch and racked up a good bill at the mall this afternoon, (in our defense it is tax free week!) She's such a sweet girl, and I pray that there's a guy out there that can truly treat her right. She wants to be heard, wants someone with feelings. She doesn't like to be bought, but likes the price you pay for love. Graduated from UCF in 2006 with honors and valedictorian in high school, the girl has brains and a body to die for! This is beginning to sound like some dating ad for her, but it's not. I just love her! She just landed her dream job as a finance/accountant analyst at Lockeed Martin. No more life guarding! We made a deal that if she was my accountant, I could plan her wedding. That's pretty even. We were talking today about relationships and the one thing we both can agree on is the baggage that we all carry. That's one thing girls really despise: a guy that comes with "baggage." This can mean a hundred different things, but the main point is girls truly adore guys that are pure, no psycho ex girlfriends, no diseases, NO KIDS. My dear readers, you might think I'm exaggerating just a tad, but it's true. Sure, girls can carry baggage as well, and are we proud of it? NO. I told her that I recommend her looking for someone that has no history. I know that's hard to find now a days, but their out there. It'll definitely make a difference in her relationships if she did. It will broaden her horizons and she'll be respected in a whole different way. The respect she needs.

I went to a network meeting in downtown Orlando last night with one of my girlfriends. The group is called the J4 Leaders and they're a group of professional business class women with families and a love for Jesus. Talk about independent women! I wish their website was already established because I would love to share more about them. It's just great to see women in the workforce while managing a family life and a relationship with Christ all at the same time. Jim and I have talked about me being the bread winner in our family, and he be a stay at home dad. I'm pretty traditional so it's taking me a while to think this process through. But we have a few years until this all happens. We still consider ourselves a "family" even if there are no kids involved...yet..

I just got back from a body works class at LA Fitness that I went to with my mom and Cathie. The instructor kicked my ass. I thought I was in good shape, but excising with weights, and other stuff I can't even put into words, good God! I'll be sore tomorrow! For now, I'm going to relax, talk to Jim, take a bubble bath and get ready to watch Dateline: How to Catch a Preditor with my mom. Fun times.

Latino Lovers

Fist off, I just want to say that whatever I write in my blog are my thoughts, feelings and insecurities at the moment. Hence the purpose of a blog. If you don't agree with them, don't read it. With that said...

I just got back from being at LA Fitness for the evening. A group of us went up there and did a Latin impact dance class. It was great! We shook our booty just like J. Lo. My aunt showed up which was great too. Ironically, she's Cuban, but when it comes to dancing she's, "a total white girl." The instructor was a white girl too so we didn't feel like the minority too much. It was a good workout in the end burning 500 calories. I'm so tired!

I'm kind of disappointed that I didn't get the Macy's job. I was basically the runner up because there was someone else just ahead of me that had more experience. However, they did say there would be a position opening up in the fall and that I'm top on their list...or until someone else buts in line. I know God has a purpose for all of us, and patience is a virtue, but mine is running out.

Amber and I are getting together for lunch and a shopping day on Wednesday. She just got a new job as a finance analyst at Martin. So long being a life guard. I asked her is she gave her two weeks notice and she said, "hell yea! I did that the minute I found out I got this new job." That's my girl! I'm so happy for her. When I make my millions she's going to be my accountant. I'm excited to see her as well. We'll have fun.

Current music: Fergie Big Girls Don't Cry

Holy Day

I visited my parent's new church this morning. It's called Center Point, and it's great! Check them out. They are so welcoming, and have a catered breakfast for guests every Sunday. (Not like that's the reason that they go). It was so refreshing to speak to the pastor and not feel like I was taking up his valuable time. Apparently my mom has bragged about me, so they were prepared to introduce themselves. I love it! We sang some great uplifting oldies but goodies this morning. It was really nice to see my parents happy once again in a place they feel comfortable, and most importantly, be able to be themselves.

All hail the power of Jesus' name!
Let angels prostrate fall;
bring forth the royal diadem,
and crown him Lord of all.
Bring forth the royal diadem,
and crown him Lord of all.

Wipe on, wipe off

At the car wash
Talkin' about the car wash yeah!
Come on and sing it for me car wash.
Car wash yeah!
Rose Royce never gets old...

The Girl Scout troop raised $340.00 today during their car wash. It was a great location to begin with. Smack dab the middle of Winter Park in the Walgreens parking lot conveniently beside the Starbucks, and near the WP hospital where Kristen and I were born at. View here. We washed Beamers, Volvo's, VW, Audi, Infinities, and it was strictly donation. $20.00 here, $40.00 there. People can be so generous. I sold some cookbooks while drivers waited around. I love those girls to death. I can't believe it's been 11 years already. They're going to be graduating in the spring, and heading to NYC for their graduation trip. I have seen all of them grow in their different ways to form who they are today, and possibly what they will be in the future. I must be getting old because I'm sounding like a damn inspirational speaker. Maybe I'm just reminiscing. I can't wait to spend time with them in NYC. Just one of the many places we have traveled together. Oh the memories!

We shop until we drop

What a great candid shot.

Kristen gets all the attention.

She loves me. She really really loves me!

Lauren and I take our job seriously.

"My, what a big mouth you have my dear"

"Wow Erin, you can open your mouth really wide," Kristen said to me. I didn't know how to respond to that.

Hair today gone tomorrow

Today I went to get my hair cut. I think I'm truly blessed to have an outstanding hair dresser who knows me, and knows what I want. We've been together for just over ten years now. I used to be a model for hair shows way back when. (Yes, me as a model...scary huh?) And the rest is history. She and her husband actually came to my wedding! People say to me, "You invited your hair dresser to your wedding?!" Yup. Anyway, she "glazed" it because it looked "brassy" while snipping the split ends off. Perfect job as usual.

As I was talking to my next door neighbor tonight, I found out that we have a small (4ft) alligator living in the lake behind our houses. I immediately thought of alligator lady from the flight yesterday. Too funny.

It was a normal muggy, dreary, rainy day here in the Sunshine State. Just your average summer weather.

Flying on Cloud 9

I love traveling. I especially enjoy plane trips if they don't require me being stranded in JFK for 12 hours, but that's another story. Today's went extremely well. I like to people watch, and I'm fully aware the airport is a prime target of doing this. As I was sitting at the gate in Logan this morning, trying to keep my eyes open, (I'm not a morning person), I noticed so many different families, cultures, accents.

This one all American family of four were heading down to Orlando to see the Big Mouse while dad attended a conference. Before boarding the plane, they all said a short prayer.

I sat beside a guy that looked around my age. He reminded me of my room mate, maybe because he was ready a big fat book. However, he looked like a guy I used to work with. The 9/11 Commission did not leave this boy's hands the entire time.

The people that sat behind me apparently have NEVER been to Florida, or have NEVER heard of a fence. "Oh look at all those pools and they're screened in! That's probably to keep the alligators out." Uh... right. Because alligators just wonder around aimlessly. That's the only reason we have screened in pools. A couple minutes later we land, and to our left was a little pond. "I bet there's alligators in there," the lady said again. I almost turned around and asked if she saw the duck that was relaxing in the pond. Do you think a duck would be sitting there if there was a crock in the pond? Think lady. But, remembering what a good southerner I am, I held my breath.

Our captain was great! He narrated bits and pieces of history all along the east coast. He even got us to Orlando 36 minutes early. Great trip.

Orlando is normal thus far. My mom picked me up and we headed to Target to a get bridal gift, and Ann Taylor Loft because it's our sweetest sin. I love the drive-thru Starbucks! Granny took the two of us out to Red Lobster, in the rain. She's so brave. I want to be just like her when I grow up.

I'm scheduled to get a hair cut tomorrow.